Top 10 Methods to Tease Telemarketers
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, and talk about any ache or pain you may have and then continue with a relative that you know that has some too. When they try to get back to the sell, just continue your problems. It's nice to vent to a stranger anyway.
3. If they say they're John Smith from the Acme Company, Ask them to spell their name, then ask them to spell the company name, then ask them where it located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. Like a 4 year old does.
4. After they tell you there name, Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Hector!! Is this really you? Oh, my God! Buddy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Hector a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where on earth she could know you from.
5. Say, "No", repeatedly. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
6. When they ask you a question...Answer back with a question. Whatever they ask.. You could reply with Isn't Disney World or Land Just a people trap run by a Mouse? Why is zero last on your phone? Why is the alphabet in order as it is and not vowels first? Why is it that things get darker when you spray them with clear matte spray paint? Does morality come from morons? You get the picture.
7. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to pic up a few groceries for you and give them a list.
8. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Pat from Acme Anvils." You: Acme Anvils! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh, Chicago." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Ok good Luck. (hang Up)
9. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, Honey it's for you and make heavy walking away steps. Put on mute and see when they hang up.
10.If you get the automated one. I have heard that you can press ### or **** a number of times and it screws with their system a little. Will try that one the next one I get.
